HuiLing.

pardon me.
But im feeling moody again..
and sad i guess...

i mixed up the test dates.
tml is not malay test...
the test is next week..
means i chionged my lsm revision ytd for nothing..
cux i wanted to squeeze out sunday for revision.. =((
bt i hope the test is tml instead.
cux i am having my lsm1103 test next friday (5th)
and lsm1104 test next next tue (9th)
so if i have my malay test next next week (8th)
means i gt to chiong 2 revision on this coming weekend..

hmm.
feel that im always not on form...
the whole body wasn't conditioned for school...
im like always confused over the schedule and dates and homeworks.
i almost went to a tutorial lesson 8am in the morning..
when the lesson start only in week 5.. and i dun know it..
always i have to check with my frens..
i tot i knew everything..
i planned everything nicely.
and end up everything was like.. so messy again..
like last min preparation due to mixed up schedules and stuffs.
maybe i need to buy a planner to record all my stuffs bah.
suddenly find myself v useless.
i dun have a life. (like forever sulking)
i dun have good grades (like always)
i have nothing when i come to think of it..
of cux i have friends la.. which was the most precious thing that i have other than my family.

i asked myself what i have achieved during 2009.
i guess it was my A level results, which wasnt tt glorious too..
and i passed my first driving attempt (with 18 demerit points)
that was the only 2 stuffs that i could tink of.
very pathetic right...
indeed they were achievements, but are not extremely good ones.. all boarder line ones.

felt like i wasted my life for the past...4 years?
maybe i was too conservative in doing things.
i cared too much about results.
i was too obsessed with studies.
and i neglected my passion and interests.
i gave up and forgo chances to pursue my interests and happiness.
i regretted the way i lived my life...
bt now i couldnt change the way i live..
cux uni is the last lap for me.. i dun have the courage to risk it.
and thus im stucked to this mundane and sucky life.

how do i continue from here?

yesterday went to yunli's house to do something for both shaun and addison.
planned to finish the work bt 12
bt end up we finished at 2am!!
cux of our slow speed..
and mingsheng was damn picky about the pHotos!
hence we spent alottttt of time picking the photos.
had fun at yunli's house.. though there were only 4 of us.
mingsheng, me, eugene and of cux yunli..
went mac to eat our.... supper cum dinner at 2+...
reached home at around 3+....
and i jux KO and slept.
intended to wake up early and study for tml's 'test'
and end up i dunno what to do now..
since there is no test tml...

i hope to make a change.