HuiLing.

of u dun want to read the same old complains again.
then please exit this window.hahah.
i dun want my complains to affect your emotions and mindsets. ^^
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School started. again
Year 1. Semester 2.
dreaded. only 1 semester had passed. can u believe it?

Ever since i enter university.
i dun remember myself being happy.
for the past 1 week. i cried at least 3 times.
and had insomnia for the past 1 week or more.
jux involuntarily tinking of the things that im afraid of facing.

ytd i went crying to my mum again.
telling her the pressure that i felt... and how miserable i am now.
i felt v tired and scared.
i know that all the sufferings are caused by my character...
perfectionism, comparisons, and my pessimism..
i know the problem lies with me.. bt i jux cant change for the better.

i want to be happy.
i hope to be happy.
bt whenever i go to school.
i cant be happy.
cux my life jux revolves around stress and uncertainties.
what if i studied hard.
and at the end of the semester i flunked again?
ok i know i shldnt tink of all these when i haven even tried.
bt i jux cant help tinking.. got my point?
i want to stay optismistic. bt my mind jux couldnt.
i know it's wrong. bt i jux continue doing it..

my mum asked me to discussed with my dad about quitting school or what.
cux she said i became more shagged and sad ever since i entered uni.
im was like.. huh? u want me to quit sch?
i dun wish to quit school.
cux i know it will be a decision that i will regret for life.
bt i dunno how to make my school life happier.
join cca? make more friends?
i realli dunno..
bidding of modules already made me feel like crying for dunno how many times already.
CORS bidding realli sucks to the core.
so guys in NS or girls who are potential graduates. tink twice before u want to come to NUS.

this semester im taking 5 modules again.
2 bio core modules.
1 intro to psychology module (memorise the whole textbk!!!)
1 Malay Language Module.
and 1 Chinese module. (when i know they will be alot of China pple taking)

initially i planned to take a physics module to fulfill my faculty requirement.
bt this sem there are only 24 pple taking! as compared to 150+ last semester.
and the class is 8am in the morning.
and plus this module has lab lesson. so i felt kinda unsafe and sianned.
feels like it will be difficult to score when there are so little pple.
i asked many pple for opinion, bt i cant reach a conclusion.
since i have 2 frens taking the chinese modules.
and they kept persuading me to join them.. i agreed.
since i realli have no other modules to take.
cux of clashes, lack of points and availability.
find everything v screwed for me.
nthing seems to go smoothly.

is it realli true?
if u worked hard and tried your best
results dun realli matter.
cux u tried ur best.
if the same things happened to you?
will you really think and tell urself that? will u not be bothered by the results?

argh.. girls cramp.
i needa rest first. bth. =X