18 months of journey ended.
sad definitely. bt at least u are more happy now :)

people, dun tag my blog or facebook liao.
not realli a BIG thing. ahhahs
and im realli alrite ^^
thanks for the concern!

and all the best to u too! :))

mood gt better i guess..

met my JC girls clique for post xmas gathering ^^
when i reached Woodland Mrt i was approached by this lady
selling health products.. some kind of milkshake
that will help u to lose weight and body fats.
she asked me to stand on the weighing machine.
and my body fats turned out to be kinda HIGH
so after much persuasion. i bought the product... 75 dollars.
yea it sounds v exp.
bt cux one cup of drink can replace 1 meal
or u can drink 2 cups to replace 2 meals.
1 meal = 3 dollars
drink for 21 days = 63 dollars. (cux the powder 21 servings)
so yea. price kinda similar.

had fun at jannice's house
cooked maggie mee, played card games and watched singapore idol!
i hope Sylvia wins though.
is like the winner for all seasons are malay males =.=

heard that weizhi flew off his bicycle on a 'cycling expedition' with the guys today.
and he had quite serious cuts and injuries all over his limbs.
hope he get well soon..


all ur replies made me feel like u are tired of all these.
u even need to consider.
shows that u are already hesitating.. which made me kinda disappointed.
i will not hesitate. cux my ans is a NO
bt if u realli made tt choice. i will respect.

i recalled the pebble theory i heard on TV drama
love is like picking pebble.
on the way u found a pebble which is beautiful and u like.
bt u may start to question.
will i find a better pebble if i continue to walk down the road?
if u are the person.. what will u do?
will u jux accept the pebble that u have picked?
or will u give up the pebble..and continue to walk down the road hoping to find a better one?
bt u may also never find a pebble that is as good as the previous one u found.
even when u return to pick the pebble back.
it may already be picked away by another person.

hahas.
do tell me ur ans by tagging the board!

chatted with shuan just now online. =)
he gave me lots of advices and consoles on the recent happenings to me.
Feel much much better and happier!
at least i know there are pple who care abt me.
and are willing to share my sorrows and problems.
unlike some pple..hahahs

Worst christmas ever i guess.

sometimes i hate myself.
ultimate loser i realised.
like wad my sis said. i cant take failures. i gave stress to myself.
like wad u said. i harped on the same things over and over again.
i complained abt everything which i can dun bother.
i refused to look forward...
i made myself a loser.
i realli tried to change. i swear..
bt i cant..

ytd nite after i reached home..
i started crying.
i enjoyed the dinner with E2 frens!
bt when i tink back of everything that happened to me recently.
(big things to me but small things to u guys maybe)
i bursted into tears.
was quite glad that i could finally cry and made myself feel better.
bt i couldnt stop in the end... lol
so i cried till midnite and slpt in the living room until this morning
and i forced myself to slp on my bed until afternoon.

dad asked my how much is iphone.
i told him 700. he was upset that i chose so exp de phone.
hello, it was him who agreed to buy few mths ago.
and now he complained to mum abt me demanding for such an exp phone.
and since he is so unwilling.
i told him i dun want to buy anymore.
dun expect me to bear with ur complains after u buy me the phone.
u can send money over to that damn China Cheap women in hundreds and thousands.
bt refused to buy a 700 phone for ur daughter.
who is the woman to u..
it's jux some cheap woman who bore ur father 2 children.
is the children urs? is the woman urs?
fuck them seriously. i hate them.

Christmas was spent alone at home.
was moody whole day with my goldfish eyes.
dinner sucks.
so i went out to eat myself.
was kinda weird. cux most pple are either in pairs or in a family.
wanted to buy some beer and drink.
bt i have driving lesson tml.
so dun want to KO myself..
bt i swear i will drink after 29th.

wanted silence.
so i went to the playground near my house to chill and stone.
bt the silence was broken by this bunch of China aunties who are chatting so louding.
kinda pissed.
bt i continued to sit at the playground and stone.
while watching the cat walking around.
sat for around 2 hrs.
and dad called and ask me angrily whr i was.
i told be im near the house.
he called again. and i jux rejected his call.
v irritating.
and after tt he called me again using his phone.
i answered and told me im at the playground.
he tot i was lying. so i jux told him.
if u dun believe, come and see for urself!
and he realli asked mum to check on me.
mum came down and asked me to go back.
refused and demanded her not to bother me and go home.
only went home when clock struck 12am.

i tink my temper is getting worse and worse
i feel like rebelling. i wan to turn myself into a wild child.
i want to make myself strong.
i want to be happy.

heart was already filled with tears.
and ur msg made my heart flooded with tears.
i tot u are the only person whom i can confide totally with
and share my sorrows with...
bt u tell me
u want to be happy.
u want to avoid the stress.
u want to rest.
u want to spend ur breaks happily.
u doesnt want to emo and become sad like me..
couldnt help bt to cry again.
i could only say, Sorry.
din know i made u suffer so much..
bt to hear all these from u.. it realli hurts.

im totally ALONE now.

rarr. im so..pissed.
tt fren asked me abt my results.
telling me she dun dare to check her results, fearing it will be bad.
im like... oh please. u sure can do very well de la..
she is like feigning nervous or wad.. =.=
indeed.
she gt a CAP of 4.30/5
if me i will pop champagne and celebrate.
bt u know what she told me?
she said not good..
her grades v ugly.
seriously.
u tell me does she deserve a good beating?
please.. i admit im kinda a sore loser.
and i cant stand it when pple tell me such things when i lost.
maybe some pple are jux so insensitive to other people's feeling..
walau. it's not the first time already.
i tell myself not to talk to u and ask u abt ur results.
cux i expected such things to happen.
bt u come and asked instead.. and it realli happened.
please. dun be so greedy can.
even u gt 9.5/10 u still tell me ur results not good.
i realli dunno wad is good to u...

to such people.
i realli hope u can realli face a big failure and realise ur greediness and cockyness.
super cocky leh.. buaytahan..
at least mind what u say in front of others who gt worse results than u.
it's common sense. have some EQ please.
and such people always succeed and get good results =.=
what to do.. life's like that.

ive gt mixed feelings nowwww.
im upset abt my results.
bt i gt no tears to cry..
feel so heavy inside..
cant even vent my frustration and sadness...
sem 1.. u give me a sad Christmas.

results suckss like hell.
i seriously din expect it to be tt bad la..
Sabrina sms this morning asking me whether i accessed my results already.
so i woke up and on my comp...
she told me she gt 2 A- and the rest A for her modules..
im like.. wth! genius indeed.
so tinking tt i MIGHT get similar results as her.
i log in to the results page..
and tmd, the server jam
so i used sms method.
so while waiting my phone rang.. gt New SMS.
and i pressed read with my heart thumping fast..
then diaozz. it was MingSheng sending me Christmas message -.-
then my phone rang again.
i pressed read.
and my heart Sank to dunno where... joined the Titanic ship le bah..

i actually gt a B- for my econs!
i tink it's v impossible larhs.
i tink it's my best subject cux i have background in it..
and it's MCQ summore..
i gt above avg for mid term.
so guessed i flunk my finals.

gt another B- for my LSM1102.
which is the module which i scored 0 first time in my life..
i tink i did ok to0..
at least a B..
budden. i died too...

PR1301 i did good for my mid terms.
and for the MCQ final year exam.
im quite sure out of the 125 questions, i have less than 20 wrong..
but i still gt a B+..... WHY??
i realli tink i did well.
bt god refused to give me an A.. not even an A-

LSM1101 B+
i accepted. cux i din do v well for my CA2.

CM1401.
all along im not good in Chemistry.
and i din did as well as others during CAs..
so a B.. i can accept.

and total up my CAP = 3.5
tell me. is it good? or no good.
to study honours.. u need a CAP of 3.5.
bt just 1 semester.
my CAP shoot...DOWN to 3.5...
which means i cant afford to get a B- and have to strive for more As to pull back the score.
feel v demoralised, and stress.
friends around me did better than me.
and i feel so inferior again.
i really worked very hard..
i din tink my effort deserve such results..

i know 2012 is not here yet.. bt i feel the world is crushing down
to you it may be nthing. to me it means alot.

dun let the cycle repeats.
i must do something.

hmm.
boring! though it's holidays.
im so lazzzy to step out of the house.
even if i go shopping.
i will not be in the mood to try or buy the items that i liked... :((
kinda becuming like a 宅女..
cooping at home all day watching online dramas and buying my stuffs online.
Last Saturday went to collect one of my top from my seller.
i simply love it! hahahs. it cost me only abt 12 dollars.
at least it's quality is better than bugis street's one...

today went for my driving revision lesson.
my instructor said i drive toooooo slowly.. =.=
do u guys when learning driving face the same problem too?
i jux feel insecure to speed la... he asked me to go 60-70km/hr

and i witnessed this malay lady taking her traffic police test just now...
kinda felt sad for her...
she was doing her vertical parking...
becux she din position her car properly, she knocked down one of the poles when she was reversing
so she did corrective action in a v weird manner...
and the car was still in the wrong position.
and so when she tried to reverse again.
she knocked down the pole again...
so yea.
20 POINTS. FAILED
i dunno if that will happen to me..
cux my driving skills is fluctuating one... =X

ohh yea.
last week i finally went to run!
have been wanting to go exercise since dunno when.hahas
ran+walked for abt 2KM.
my stamina is realli cmi..
cux i took a break from exercise for....1 year! LOL
bt i will try to go exercise more often and build up my stamina!
i want to keep fit! no more flabby arms and tummy please....

things that i hope to do/ buy during this holiday:
Eat YumCha
Go Clubbing
Go SPCA
Go swimming/ running
Go shopping
Tidy my room and cupboards
Rebond plus highlight! anyone?
Buy iphone
Buy PSP
Buy schoolbag
Buy FujiFlim Polaroid Camera!

always wanted to buy a Polaroid camera since primary school. hahahs
anyone remembered during primary 4 that period
there is this polaroid camera that can take photos in the form of stickers.
like neoprints?
i wanted to buy that! it cost abt $39+ then?
bt cux im only primary 4..
$39 is like the current $390 to me..hahahs.
so in the end. i din buy it..
and now i tink it's no longer in the market. =(
currently 1 normal Polaroid camera cost abt 150 dollars.
i have the money. bt i dun wish to spend it..
thats the problem.

rarrr..
i tink my mindset is v screwed.
LOL.















aint he cute? he was a kid actor during my mum and dad times.
His name is 小彬彬





and when he grows up and got married
he had a son.. also a kid actor now!
his same is 小小彬!

the 2 kids u see in in these 2 pictures now are different person!
one is the father, one is the son.

bt they looked exactly the same! im super amazed.
even my mum too...
Seriously a direct clone of the father.
i dunno where the mum's genes are..hahahs

and 小小彬 acted v well too. like his dad.
his character in [[下一站, 幸福]] is v cutee.
the show is verrrrryyy niceee too!
highly recommended!




<33.

How i spent my afternoon:


























Bad boys are sexy (:

came back from my slippers hunt.
Happy to say that ive FINALLY found my Tulip Havaianas Fit!
purposely went to to Orchard last week to buy the slippers.
and almost broke into tears when the SA told me all outlets sold out already.
thanks to the CHECK website that i came across while searching for the slippers online.
i decided to make my way down to Causeway point today to try my luck.
and yea.luck is on my side! ^^

but it feels different from the old Havaianas Trekking.
cux the rubber feels softer and more flexible.
i hope it can last as long as my old Havaianas Trekking.
which served me for 3 years!


also searching for good cosmetics recently
feel that it's time to start learning makeup and stuffs.
im like going 20 soon. and i still cant really apply simple makeups =.=
so went to SASA at Sunplaza to browse the items there.
so i asked this SA there whether gt easy to apply and water/oil proof eyeliners
she said yes and showed me one SASA brand one which cost 8 dollars after discount
and another Jap brand which cost 27++ =.=
being a beginner in makeup..of cux i bought the 8 dollars one to try.
bt i bought cux she told me it's waterproof and lasting!
when i went back and try, i felt cheated.
it's not waterproof at all la.
i tried to cry to see if the ink will smudge.
and omg. it realli smudge like dunno wad. =.=
then i tried to apply water.
the water tt flowed down my cheeks are black in colour =.=
so i can only use this eyeliner during sunny days lo.
and i must stop myself from yawning.
imagine when it rains or when i yawn. my face will be like ghost.
arghh. luckily only 8 dollars. if not i will really feel the pinch.


this the the eyeliner tt ive bought. called 'cyber colours'
apart from the waterproof thingy
the application results are quite nice.
though black ink, bt not v black after u applied.
it wun smudge when u rub it also..
jux tt not waterproof la. which i tink it's v impt =.=
im gg to continue my search for the KATE eyeliner
which is recommended in 女人我最大
bt it's hard to find....

arghhh. i sound so pathetic.
like buy one eyeliner also so troublesome =.=

it has already been days. i don't know how to describe my emotions. bt i guess i still feel disappointed. disappointed that u refused to say and do anything, despite me making things clear and telling u my all my thoughts and feelings. i don't know what u are thinking, or do u even know what i want, what i don't want.
im not a kettle of boiling water left to cool down by itself.
i hoped to feel cherished.

currently watching
{U'RE BEAUTIFUL}/ {U ARE HANDSOME}

recommended by jingrong and munyee.
indeed. v nice show!
although sometimes their actions are v stupid. hahahs
managed to watch 11 episodes in 2 days. ^^

some of the pics that i printscreen / copy from web:
the actors are so hot!




Hot guys! except for that uncle in the middle =.=


cartoon version of them

'Pig Rabbit' after 'surgery'. so cute rite!

i tink man go boutique buy stuffs for women is v shuai.


he is 20 years old only ^^ shuai!
at some angles he looks like kim hyun joong.

2 man 'fighting' over a women. ewww.

now 3 man...

OMG! muacks!

2nd Day of my precious Holiday:

slacked at home again!
ewwww...lazybones lazybones
watched 终极三国.. episode 33 was very exciting!

went dear hse in the afternoon and then to Northpoint KFC for dinner ^^
after tt went Sunplaza to help my dad buy his MR BEAN soyamilk
gt E2 sale... so bought some underwear also... LOL
and went NTUC to stock up food and drink!

Tadang!! :


Munchys' new chocolate biscuit : only $1.95!
Kinder Bueno : $5.95 for 2 value packs = 6 packets!
My fav Bandung Drink : $3.10
WongCoCo Jelly : $1.15
------------------------------
Total: $12.15




this is the hairstyle that i did sometime ago.
followed a hairstyle book tt i bought.
nice? hahas.

tinking of dying my hair again.
and trying a new hairstyle.
shld i cut short my hair?
perm? or dye a bolder colour?

hahhas

ohh yea...i need and wan to buy alot of things!
2 days ago i bought 4 Ralph Lauren Polos online for 100 dollars
whether Authentic anot i dunno =.=
pending to be verified when i received them.
abt a week plus ago i bought a vest from BC.
and 2 tops from a online spree.
few hours ago i ordered a bag from an online spree
total damage less than 200 i tink.
bt seriously i tink still not enough.. im not a 败金女
jux tt im realli lacking clothes and shoes!
those hu are close to me will know =.=

shoes especially
my current slippers when worn during rainy day and walk on tiles flooring is 90% slip and fell
my previous Havaianas broke quite long ago .. super sad
my next available pair are my Converse Canvas and Sports Shoes..
seriously in need of new slippers.
wanted to buy havaianas. bt lazy to travel so far to buy.. =x

someone drag me out...haahhas

<33.

YAY!
soooo relief! exams are finally OVER!
bt when the results are out..
i guess im over too =.=
bt let's not tink so much yea.
let me enjoy these few weeks b4 results are out.

last Sat went to YukiYaki for the Oct/Nov babies bd celebration.
b4 went to Sitex at expo with dear qy yr and wz
super happy that many pple turn up! 14 pple! hahahhs
had fun cooking and crapping with the peepx
and had fun playing pool too!
especially seeing mingsheng play..hahahs!

today is the first day of holiday!
bt im like already rotting.
lazybones refused to move from the comp chair.
when i intended to go shopping, exercise, play and eat!
maybe i need a few days to get my engines heated up.
hahhas.
bt i watched alot of dramas.
few recommended dramas:







argh. search the pics until i tired le.
blog next time.
bye!

<33.

arghhh. chem papers sucks.
the questions are difficult again.
we were told to memorise the formulas.
bt i din know we need to know the constant's values too!
like planks constant, gas constant, speed of light etc..
in the end i cant do alot of the question..
cux i dunno the value of the constants despite me knowing the formulas..
rarrr!
same thing. i hope i wun score tooooooo badly.
sigh..sighsssss

im gonna to slack until i happy then start mugging for the coming exam on monday!
needa de-stress and vent my frustrations badly!!


This proves tt im studying v hard!

'Love' Rings
Smiley Rings!
Tattoo on the wrist looks cool ehs? hahahs

im soooo tired.
need a good slp badly.

miss my frens! my dear! and my holidays!

<33.

omg ss501 new album! REBIRTH.
im so addicted to this song. all are so hot!

hate to say that.
bt i screwed my exam today again.
like out of the four 10 marks question. i tink i can only get 20 =.=
i mux say it's a rather tough paper.
at first was kinda upset by it..
but now i dun wish to tink anymore.
i jux hope the grades dun turn out to be tooooo bad.
like memorised all the 10 sets of notes
bt in the end like only 20% tested..
and the 20% are v minor details..which i obviously din really go and take note of. =.=

im having my econs and complementary medicine paper on Monday.
by right i shld start revising for them.. at least starting now.
bt im so not motivated.
like study so much and so hard.
and it's always those tt u din really study that comes out the most =.=
v stupid right.
bt at the same time cnt dun study.
still an exam afterall.. so dilemma.lol

oh yea.
Weizhi's birthday today!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

today is a Saturday.
it's sooo...not saturday.
feels like a weekday..

tt day i was telling dear about my 'crazy' idea.
which is to live with my frens
like 5-7 pple living together.
i tink it will be realli great!
maybe can gather all the pple who are studying in unversity.
then rent a house maybe at Jurong?
then after school can see each other..
at home can joke and play or even help each other with their work.
dear said the idea is good.
bt at the same time there are many factors to consider.
like the rental, housework, food etc...
after discussing for awhile
i realised it's indeed not so possible to do that..hahahs.
unless i struck lottery then i will buy a house then invite all my frens to live with me together!
hehehs

seriously hate exams.
like what's the use of exams.
so what if u know what is DNA replication, what is genetics population, mutation etc..
in exams u may be able to regurgitate what u have memorised in the exam.
after 1 or 2 years. i doubt we will still rmb the things that we have learnt..
bleahx.

bt still.
i hope no more screwing of exams.
please...

<33.

hhahaha. taking a break from my revision.

had been wanting to blog..
bt cux of procrastination..
so yea...u know..hahas

hmm.this week is reading week.
had been v hardworking for the first 2 days..
bt after tt i slacked like dunno what.
hahahs.
Saturday is my LSM 1102 exam..
kinda nervous.. cux i gt 0 marks for this module's CA tt time.

it was 2 weeks ago i tink..
was walking v slowly towards my econs tutorial room
with my mp3 earpiece plugged into my ears.
then i heard someone talking behind me.
so i turned ard and removed my earpiece to check if the person is talking to me.
indeed he is.. bt i totally cant make out what he was trying to say.
cux he is a African or black american.. those curly hair pple.
i only managed to catch some phrases like 'walking so slowing' and 'tired'
so i tot he is complaining that i walked so slow that i blocked his path or wad.
so i jux apologised..
then u know what? He repeated his sentence in chinese!
你很累吗？ 走这样慢... i was like totally shocked. hahahs
then i replied him saying bcux still gt time so i walked slower..
he then turn into another lane to his classroom.
interesting encounter isnt it? and his chinese is like so accurate..

still gt some interesting encounters.
but cux it was so long ago.....
i only managed to rmb this one =.=
bt there's one thing i wun forget..
and that is school life's damn boring.
looking forward to holiday!

was reading belinda's blog jux now and something she wrote seemed to be v relevant to me...
quoted from her:

Everyone thinks they're being stressed out by each other.
Everyone's just blaming each other.

"Fuck! Why is this course so tough?! Why the hell is it full of such.... competitive people!?"
And with that in mind they drive themselves on harder and harder. Because they feel that they have to, in order to survive.

But that's what the rat race is all about. In truth, nobody is making us run. We are the ones who choose to run, because we think that if we don't run, we will lose out. And so we run and run and run, until we collapse, and even if we do, we never once stop to look at ourselves but only at the ones ahead of us.

We end up hating each other but maybe deep inside, we're just all the same.
Nobody wants to lose. Everyone wants to win. It's something nobody can deny.
---end

i kinda agree to what she says..
maybe we are the one who made ourselves miserable.
bt still it's something that we have to do i guess.
cux we are students.
students have to work hard and get good results.
and graduate with i honorable cert....
how i wish there is no exams. no competition..
pple so to sch to plainly to receive knowledge and enjoy school life activities with frens...

ok. back to mug.
hahahs.

<33.

another week has passed.
it's juz another boring week..
or a sad week..
alrite.. everyday is a sad day for me..
negative quadratic curve.my cheek muscles are sagging...

Friday was my LSM 1101 CA2.
i screwed the test. it was a EASY test..
i dunno who to blame. or shld i blame myself..
i studied. bt what i studied din came out.
and of cux, those that i din study came out..
felt realli bad when i hear from my frens that they gt all the question right..
and i felt realli stupid and wasted..
din cry.. bt was cursing myself inside...
y forgone such a good chance to get marks for the module.. =((

went to take my Final Theory test tt evening.
booked a practice slot before the test.
and when i reach the MRT station (YCK)
the rain is so big that even with an umbrella
i dun tink i can make it to the driving centre dry.

the worst thing is i din bring an umbrella. THAT DAY.
cux bag v full. so took it out before i left house..
and so suay that i din bring it when i needed it most.
so was stranded at the nearest bus stop for about half an hr until the rain became smaller.
when i reached the centre, only like 20 min left for the practice.
then the person at the counter say cannot take the practice le.
was kinda angry. not because i wasnt allowed to take.
bt the stupid rain...

was on the verge of crying at the centre when waiting for the real test...
tinking of all the things i had screwed and all the things tt screwed me.
bt luckily.. i passed my FTT although i din take my practice.

weekends as usual..
STUDY. bt mainly slacking i guess.
intended birthday celebration for the oct pple at YUKI YAKI was cancelled due to last min changes.
so met dear for lunch at Np Subway.
tried the chicken bacon sandwich.. the new one.
felt so stupid again when ordering... cux i dun know how to order.
it's my second or third time eating.. =.=
bt was nice la.. though v exp. near to 10 bucks for tt meal.

ok there goes my week..

cried ytd nite..
checked my chemistry results online...
i gt 35/50. the average was 35.7
was feeling abit upset already initially. cux slightly below average.
a fren of mine told me she passed her test.
was expecting her getting ard the same marks as me.
bt when i asked her. she said she gt 48/50.
of cux i congrats her and said it was v good.
bt she said she tikam-ed de..
hmm.. tears were welling up in my eyes when i see that..
i guess she was trying to be humble.. not wanting to show off her good grades.
bt her reply still hurts me.

if realli one can tikam for exams and get full marks.
and another studied until her brain juice is drying up and still fail.
i must say it's realli unfair.
UNFAIR UNFAIR UNFAIR. *curse up down left right*
i cried quietly in the kitchen..
listening to my mp3 not wanting to let my parents know im crying.
i asked myself
why study so hard... am i too hard on myself...
no matter how much effort i put in..
it doesnt pay off...
y cant i make myself happier...
instead of forcing myself to study until midnite.
gg library to photocopy notes and books.
doing all the practice questions.
no matter what i do.. i will end up behind..
i hope i can be the best one day... bt im always the average.
y put in best students effort and receive average students results.
i thought alot...
i want to be a happy person. one who can strike a balance between life and work..
and excel in both
bt i know im not one now.
first, im not a happy person.
i hate school...i hate the competition..im alone.
secondly, i have work, bt no life... my life is realli meaningless.
i dun wan to look forward
cux im afraid of the failure that are waiting for me.

i seriously dunno what to do now..
final exams are coming...
i told myself to mug hard and do well..
and still have chance to be on par with the leading students and clinch my A.
bt yet im slacking now..a sign of giving up?
tired of everything. tired of working hard.
maybe not studying can give me better results..
like what pple always claimed..
'i din study much leh.."
and then they top the class. see the link?

can someone teach me how to be a happier person?

Dec cruise any one ?
there is a cruise for 4pax that is quite cheap..
3D2N ard 300+ each.. to Malacca.
sms me if interested.

<33.

this week has been less busy..
checked my results for my LSM1101 module.
gt 70% = 14/20
wasnt realli satisfied... cux the exam was kinda easy.haahas.
nevertheless, 70% is near the avg.. so yea.. shldnt complaint..

will be having another test this coming friday... LSM 1102 CA2 =.=
and nov 11 will be my LSm 1101 CA3!
open book, open labtop, open discussion...
guess it will be super hard bah.. =X

ytd i receved a notification from photobucket reminding me to login to my account as it has not been logged in for more than 90 days..
din realli know when i sign up for this account..
bt still i logged back in to the account and realised i have alottt of photos inside..
after which i uploaded them onto facebook =))
was laughing to myself when i see some of the photos..
indeed bring back many memories.. =))

will be having my finals during the end of nov and early dec..
wanted to start revising now..
bt i succumbed to the temptation from my labtop..
and ended up facebooking and ppstreaming for most of the day.. =.=
when then day ended, i was v upset with myself..
bt the next day.. it happened again.. hahahahs
anw.. i watched 2 movies during this weekend..
"Howls moving castle" and "Orphan".
Both are quite nice.. bt it cost me my studying time..hahahs

oh yea.. and i watched 女人我最大 !
watched the themes abt slimming thighs and cosmetics...
and learnt quite alot =))
love the KATE eyeliner introduced in the show..
bt like not sold in singapore.. or ony sold in departmental stores..

hahahs.. see
im using comp again..
and my notes are lying on my bed...untouched.

self discipline.

<33.
ohh yea.. dear gt GOLD for his IPPT!
Congrats! Happy for him... ^^

mood's in a mess.
life's in a mess.

gt back a few results recently

my econs : 24/30 (avg=21)

my lab reports : 2 ( A- ) (saw alot of A and A+) =.=

Lifesci 1102 : 8.5/10 (many gt 9 or 10) =.=

hmm. dunno what to say.
results seems good.
bt when compared to others.
it's not tt good anymore.
uni is so competitive.....

i seriously need to get some motivation and drive to work real hard...
has been slacking for the past 2 weekends.
and final year is coming soon..
feels so unprepared..

my life is black and white now.



就是开心不起来

hmm.

today's Chem CA1.
performance wasnt good i guess.
studied to the max. out of 7 days, i studied 6 days
even my dad asked me come out of my room to talk a walk =.=
questions aint that hard. mainly application questions.
bt i couldnt do them well.
probably due to nervousness bah. kinda disappointed.

sometimes i ask myself
wat's the point of studying so hard.
there are pple who can flip through the notes 1 day before the test and yet get high marks
while me mugging like a nerd kept flunking, everytime.
i start to doubt my own ability.
i feel inconfident.
i find it unfair.
i start to find myself stupid. (so wad if im a uni student now)
i dun wish to study anymore.
bt i cant bring myself to do that.
i hope i can.
so that i wun be so miserable now.

and another thing
i tend to compare too much.
COMPARE COMPARE COMPARE
i like to compare my results with others.
and the real result? i feel so sad. cux im usually the one with the worser marks.
this feeling wun go off until a day or two.

sometimes i hope i can have more positive tinking like some of my frens:
as long as they had tried their best, results aint tt impt.
they wun compare themselves with others.
they jux mind their own marks. good or bad it's for them to evaluate themselves.
they wun feel sad bcux their marks is lower than others.

i did tried to change my mindset.
bt again. i couldnt.
so
miserable again.

gg to sch is a chore to me.. tiring chore.
i feel so 'emtpy' in school. like w/o a soul.
no friends to play with
to chat and joke with
to discuss lectures and work
before i leave the house, im already hoping the day will end fast
dragging my feet to school and running back when school ends. lols, im just doing a contrast.
okays, maybe i din take initiative to make new frens
bt even now when i have a few new frens, i dun get to see them often
only during lab lessons which is like 2 times a week =.=
thats the bad thing about uni.
there is no fixed class. everybody juz wander around.

hmm.
realli miss the days
miss my frens
secondary sch frens
E2 frens
JC frens

if only i can go back to E2 days...
those days are the happiest days in my life up till now.
the jokes (mainly yellow)
the pranks and teases
the games
interclass competitions we participated together
afterschool basketball sessions and catching
celebrating festivals together
chalets
outings
post secondary outings.....
and many more to come i believe ^^

CRUISE!
arhhh...i wan go cruise.
bt seem like the NS guys cant take leave during December...
maybe postpone it?


it's juz 2 mths and im already so shagged and depressed
imagine 3 years, or 4 years
*struggle to survive*

i wonder y pple enjoy Uni life so much. they seem so happy
izit realli that fun? so fulfilling?
i dun tink so leh...
hhahahhs.

oh yea.
i went to buy TOTO last friday
shit them. not even a number match
i still thought i gt the chance to be the $9, 700, 000 winner -.-


TIRED
im realli tired.
inadequate slp. mental stress.
bless me.

想哭但是又不想哭出来
应为觉得这样的自己好柔弱

had my Bio LSM 1102 CA1 today
had prepared quite thoroughly for this test
read the notes and reference books since 3 days ago
although it's jux a 10m question

in the end?
i cant do any of the 2 questions
i realli cant do
thought of bits and pieces of the answers.
bt i doubt my own explanation and end up writing craps.
or leaving blanks.
and by the way. it's an open book exam.
im such a dumb tt i tried to tink of my own ans instead of referring more to the books and notes
guess im not used to opening books during exams

out of 10 marks.
i can be 99.999% sure tt i will get 0 marks
if not 1 mark.
if i get 3 marks and above, i will treat u MacDonald ice cream cone
to all those hu read this post, u can ask me for my marks after 1 week.

hmm. im not saying this in a joking mood hor...
im realli sad...
cux i know it's gg to be 0 marks for my CA1...which carries 10% weightage.
i know it may be not alot.
bt still it makes me sad tt my hardwork doesnt pay off.
once again.
and again.

first test in my uni.
and it's already like tt.
totally cushed both my confidence and ego i must say.
i tired to improve and change my studying method.
tried not to be so nervous and take tests with a relax mind.
bt still. it doesnt work..

deflated.
disappointed.
scared.

i though JC life is over.
no more extreme stress
no more failing of tests
no more heavy workload
Damn. everything is just my imagination....

maybe uni life is not suitable for me?
cux i seriously detest uni life..

angel..
help me...pls

<33.