HuiLing.

Worst christmas ever i guess.

sometimes i hate myself.
ultimate loser i realised.
like wad my sis said. i cant take failures. i gave stress to myself.
like wad u said. i harped on the same things over and over again.
i complained abt everything which i can dun bother.
i refused to look forward...
i made myself a loser.
i realli tried to change. i swear..
bt i cant..

ytd nite after i reached home..
i started crying.
i enjoyed the dinner with E2 frens!
bt when i tink back of everything that happened to me recently.
(big things to me but small things to u guys maybe)
i bursted into tears.
was quite glad that i could finally cry and made myself feel better.
bt i couldnt stop in the end... lol
so i cried till midnite and slpt in the living room until this morning
and i forced myself to slp on my bed until afternoon.

dad asked my how much is iphone.
i told him 700. he was upset that i chose so exp de phone.
hello, it was him who agreed to buy few mths ago.
and now he complained to mum abt me demanding for such an exp phone.
and since he is so unwilling.
i told him i dun want to buy anymore.
dun expect me to bear with ur complains after u buy me the phone.
u can send money over to that damn China Cheap women in hundreds and thousands.
bt refused to buy a 700 phone for ur daughter.
who is the woman to u..
it's jux some cheap woman who bore ur father 2 children.
is the children urs? is the woman urs?
fuck them seriously. i hate them.

Christmas was spent alone at home.
was moody whole day with my goldfish eyes.
dinner sucks.
so i went out to eat myself.
was kinda weird. cux most pple are either in pairs or in a family.
wanted to buy some beer and drink.
bt i have driving lesson tml.
so dun want to KO myself..
bt i swear i will drink after 29th.

wanted silence.
so i went to the playground near my house to chill and stone.
bt the silence was broken by this bunch of China aunties who are chatting so louding.
kinda pissed.
bt i continued to sit at the playground and stone.
while watching the cat walking around.
sat for around 2 hrs.
and dad called and ask me angrily whr i was.
i told be im near the house.
he called again. and i jux rejected his call.
v irritating.
and after tt he called me again using his phone.
i answered and told me im at the playground.
he tot i was lying. so i jux told him.
if u dun believe, come and see for urself!
and he realli asked mum to check on me.
mum came down and asked me to go back.
refused and demanded her not to bother me and go home.
only went home when clock struck 12am.

i tink my temper is getting worse and worse
i feel like rebelling. i wan to turn myself into a wild child.
i want to make myself strong.
i want to be happy.

heart was already filled with tears.
and ur msg made my heart flooded with tears.
i tot u are the only person whom i can confide totally with
and share my sorrows with...
bt u tell me
u want to be happy.
u want to avoid the stress.
u want to rest.
u want to spend ur breaks happily.
u doesnt want to emo and become sad like me..
couldnt help bt to cry again.
i could only say, Sorry.
din know i made u suffer so much..
bt to hear all these from u.. it realli hurts.

im totally ALONE now.