HuiLing.

another week has passed.
it's juz another boring week..
or a sad week..
alrite.. everyday is a sad day for me..
negative quadratic curve.my cheek muscles are sagging...

Friday was my LSM 1101 CA2.
i screwed the test. it was a EASY test..
i dunno who to blame. or shld i blame myself..
i studied. bt what i studied din came out.
and of cux, those that i din study came out..
felt realli bad when i hear from my frens that they gt all the question right..
and i felt realli stupid and wasted..
din cry.. bt was cursing myself inside...
y forgone such a good chance to get marks for the module.. =((

went to take my Final Theory test tt evening.
booked a practice slot before the test.
and when i reach the MRT station (YCK)
the rain is so big that even with an umbrella
i dun tink i can make it to the driving centre dry.

the worst thing is i din bring an umbrella. THAT DAY.
cux bag v full. so took it out before i left house..
and so suay that i din bring it when i needed it most.
so was stranded at the nearest bus stop for about half an hr until the rain became smaller.
when i reached the centre, only like 20 min left for the practice.
then the person at the counter say cannot take the practice le.
was kinda angry. not because i wasnt allowed to take.
bt the stupid rain...

was on the verge of crying at the centre when waiting for the real test...
tinking of all the things i had screwed and all the things tt screwed me.
bt luckily.. i passed my FTT although i din take my practice.

weekends as usual..
STUDY. bt mainly slacking i guess.
intended birthday celebration for the oct pple at YUKI YAKI was cancelled due to last min changes.
so met dear for lunch at Np Subway.
tried the chicken bacon sandwich.. the new one.
felt so stupid again when ordering... cux i dun know how to order.
it's my second or third time eating.. =.=
bt was nice la.. though v exp. near to 10 bucks for tt meal.

ok there goes my week..

cried ytd nite..
checked my chemistry results online...
i gt 35/50. the average was 35.7
was feeling abit upset already initially. cux slightly below average.
a fren of mine told me she passed her test.
was expecting her getting ard the same marks as me.
bt when i asked her. she said she gt 48/50.
of cux i congrats her and said it was v good.
bt she said she tikam-ed de..
hmm.. tears were welling up in my eyes when i see that..
i guess she was trying to be humble.. not wanting to show off her good grades.
bt her reply still hurts me.

if realli one can tikam for exams and get full marks.
and another studied until her brain juice is drying up and still fail.
i must say it's realli unfair.
UNFAIR UNFAIR UNFAIR. *curse up down left right*
i cried quietly in the kitchen..
listening to my mp3 not wanting to let my parents know im crying.
i asked myself
why study so hard... am i too hard on myself...
no matter how much effort i put in..
it doesnt pay off...
y cant i make myself happier...
instead of forcing myself to study until midnite.
gg library to photocopy notes and books.
doing all the practice questions.
no matter what i do.. i will end up behind..
i hope i can be the best one day... bt im always the average.
y put in best students effort and receive average students results.
i thought alot...
i want to be a happy person. one who can strike a balance between life and work..
and excel in both
bt i know im not one now.
first, im not a happy person.
i hate school...i hate the competition..im alone.
secondly, i have work, bt no life... my life is realli meaningless.
i dun wan to look forward
cux im afraid of the failure that are waiting for me.

i seriously dunno what to do now..
final exams are coming...
i told myself to mug hard and do well..
and still have chance to be on par with the leading students and clinch my A.
bt yet im slacking now..a sign of giving up?
tired of everything. tired of working hard.
maybe not studying can give me better results..
like what pple always claimed..
'i din study much leh.."
and then they top the class. see the link?

can someone teach me how to be a happier person?

Dec cruise any one ?
there is a cruise for 4pax that is quite cheap..
3D2N ard 300+ each.. to Malacca.
sms me if interested.

<33.