ive gt shitty mood again.
tot of many things
in the end mood bcums more foul
suddenly, i feel tt the world is so unfair
hate everything ard me
hate life
sick of everything
even this comp im using now
feel like crying again
if only i have dog..even a small hamster will be enough
to accompany me
i can share my troubles with him
and he listens to me patiently.
without making rebuts
or make me feel worse
maybe he will even console me, by licking away my tears
i dont know y im feeling so depressed too
i tink im getting weaker day by day
both physically and emotionally
i hope to go out for walks
to relax sometimes too
bt transport fees are so exp now
and i lost my mood for shopping and gg out due to some reasons
im still jobless
which i tink is one of my depressed reasons
econs. consequences of unemployment
those hu studied econs will know
i dunno wad are the jobs agencies doing
are they slacking
or they ganged up to blacklist me
or wadever shit it is
now even when tinking of wad to write.
im getting frustrated
u dont know wad i want.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
:)
another brand new day
argh shit
i lost my cca commendation cert
need it for discretionary application
other docs
ive yet to go photocopy them
needa get it done soon
left 8 days only
minus away 3 days mailing
5 days to settle it
or less
to play safe.
im crazy over SS501
hyunderella is super funny
<33.
argh shit
i lost my cca commendation cert
need it for discretionary application
other docs
ive yet to go photocopy them
needa get it done soon
left 8 days only
minus away 3 days mailing
5 days to settle it
or less
to play safe.
im crazy over SS501
hyunderella is super funny
<33.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
broken heart
rainy night
walked home crying
nt bad
at least u cant be seen
the sky cries with you..
i found accompany
how would u feel
when nobody, even the person who gave birth to you
gave u zero trust
it really hurts
seriously
it matters to me alot
i need someone to believe me
understand me
i though ive found my comfort zone
a place where i can find comfort when im sad
bt now i realised
i haven't
im still crying silently
alone
feel so empty
feel so poor
feel like i have nothing
or i lost everything
my heart is tired
from sobbing too much all these years
and hu will mend this broken heart?
Myself.
friends
dun ask me what happened
mere history repeating
allow me to nag and moan
im used to it
and i'll be ok soon
<33.
walked home crying
nt bad
at least u cant be seen
the sky cries with you..
i found accompany
how would u feel
when nobody, even the person who gave birth to you
gave u zero trust
it really hurts
seriously
it matters to me alot
i need someone to believe me
understand me
i though ive found my comfort zone
a place where i can find comfort when im sad
bt now i realised
i haven't
im still crying silently
alone
feel so empty
feel so poor
feel like i have nothing
or i lost everything
my heart is tired
from sobbing too much all these years
and hu will mend this broken heart?
Myself.
friends
dun ask me what happened
mere history repeating
allow me to nag and moan
im used to it
and i'll be ok soon
<33.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Uni
went to NTU's open hse ytd
and NUS open house today
personally i prefer NUS more
the campus and the feeling it gives me
bt NUS de goodie bag. sucks
compared to NTU de
those hu went to both schools will know y...
hahahas
various courses i had in mind:
1. BBA(acc) (NUS)
2. BBA(acc) (NTU)
3. BSc(Hon) in LifeScience (NUS)
4. Bsc(Hon) in Biological Science
5. Bioengineering (NUS)
6. Bioengineering (NTU)
7. Pharmacy (NUS)
and if possible, i want to take major =p
bt the sad thing is
NUS(acc) is like so difficult to get in
esp when i only gt 1 A for H2
and a C for GP
the chances for me to enter mux be v slim la
mux try to use discretionary application also
to increase my chance of entering acc
NTU de also abit hard to get in lehz...
i dunno if i really want to do science
cux when i imagine myself working in labs and research centres
i felt quite turn off =.=
bt then
there are no other courses which i am interested in le.
why?
why no vet science.....
if nt i no need to tink tt much le..
hmm
these 2 days woke up v early for the open hse
v tired...
cux i slpt at 2am on average daily
my body is used to getting 8-12 hrs of slp per day
and due to my unemployed status
i can slp as long as i want..hahahahs!
mux charge my body battery le
wah.
dad smoking now
the smoke is suffocating me. fuck.
i go cook my prate sausage le.
beri niceee!
<33.
and NUS open house today
personally i prefer NUS more
the campus and the feeling it gives me
bt NUS de goodie bag. sucks
compared to NTU de
those hu went to both schools will know y...
hahahas
various courses i had in mind:
1. BBA(acc) (NUS)
2. BBA(acc) (NTU)
3. BSc(Hon) in LifeScience (NUS)
4. Bsc(Hon) in Biological Science
5. Bioengineering (NUS)
6. Bioengineering (NTU)
7. Pharmacy (NUS)
and if possible, i want to take major =p
bt the sad thing is
NUS(acc) is like so difficult to get in
esp when i only gt 1 A for H2
and a C for GP
the chances for me to enter mux be v slim la
mux try to use discretionary application also
to increase my chance of entering acc
NTU de also abit hard to get in lehz...
i dunno if i really want to do science
cux when i imagine myself working in labs and research centres
i felt quite turn off =.=
bt then
there are no other courses which i am interested in le.
why?
why no vet science.....
if nt i no need to tink tt much le..
hmm
these 2 days woke up v early for the open hse
v tired...
cux i slpt at 2am on average daily
my body is used to getting 8-12 hrs of slp per day
and due to my unemployed status
i can slp as long as i want..hahahahs!
mux charge my body battery le
wah.
dad smoking now
the smoke is suffocating me. fuck.
i go cook my prate sausage le.
beri niceee!
<33.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
win
hahhaahhas
JC peeps shld be scratching thy heads now
deciding on wad to choose and whr to go.
me too
NTU or NUS
business or accounting?
double degree or not?
ok la.
my grades maybe nt v qualified to study double degree
bt still feel like trying
each school has it's own strengths and attraction
hard to choose ehs..
if nt accounting/bus
wad can i choose?
arghhh.. headache
hmm.
in the previous post
i wrote tt i shld be contented with the results i gt
true, i shld
bt still
still feeling abit sore and rarrrh
when i see pple getting better grades than me
when i know i put in much more effort than them..
老毛病又犯了
hahaahhs.
yea. compare compare
in the end jux feel worse
when jealousy kicks in
cant control.
maybe some pple jux have more luck
example,
student A failed exams throughout until his/her prelims
gt straight As
while student B who maintained his/her good results throughout
scored average
or maybe even failed
i dun understand y
i can only use luck to explain tt
i wun say student A did nt put in effort
bt i dun tink he/she can do so well within such short period
student B definitely put in effort too
bt in the end
B jux scored average. behind student A
hmm. u guys can see me as being shallow or childish
bt i jux cant stand pple like student A
who seems to achieve success like so easily
while for some pple success is like so out of reach
no matter how much effort put in
maybe in my whole life
i can only be good
or very good
bt not be the best..
i'll always be an average person
who jux stands behind others
no matter how much effort i put it
it jux doesnt paid off
or not as much as i tink it shld.
there are pple who can live happily and contented
jux being normal and average
hmm. i cant.
cux i see winning too important to me le bahs....
alrite
enuf of complaining for the time being =X
ytd read newspaper
a korean actress who acted in BFF hanged herself in her apartment
due to depression
now i also feel that BFF is kinda jinxed
F4 and Jandi all had car accidents in during this fliming period
then now another actress died
bt still
BFF is niceee =)
shumin gave me a link tt day to a ss501 show
super nicee and funny ^^
then me found another part 2-keeping the dog one
ding01.hahahs so cute.
dear is finally recovering from his fever/viral infection
after so many days of sufferings
no comp/dota
no entertainment
jux wrapped himself in the blanket shivering
if nt feel like on fire and needa dispense heat by cold shower or cold towel
and slpt whole day
now he is feeling better le
i felt relieved too
and happy for him..hahahhas
get well soon dear! <33.
oh yea
ah ma is now living in my hse
cux her hse is currently undergoing renovation
will be staying with me for 10 days lidat
i slpt in the same room with her
cux i no need wake up early
bro and sis gt school and work
ytd was day 2
after i offline at 2am
i went to slp
at 3am+
i kinda heard a person calling me
then i woke up and found my ah ma calling for help
cux she rolled off her bed i tink
then half body on bed
half body on floor (lower body)
i quickly wanted to help her back onto bed
bt she was too heavy (my ahma quite big size)
i gt no strength to carry
her legs up the bed =.=
yea, legs only
in the end she had to also struggle up bac herself.
then finally ok.
heng she din fall onto the floor
if nt jiu cham le.
then morning i told my mum
then she ask my y din go to her room and call her
i was like
how to call u at tt time =.=
u expect me to ask her continue stranded and struggle there
while i go ur room wake u up ar...hahhhahas
then my mum also laughed
ok. ah ma no hurt jiu hao... ^^
ah ma de health deteriorate quite alot these years
less agile in movement, slower in response, minor bowel problems, and insomnia etc
last time she had depression and always tell us she heard pple toking and laughing at her.
it was quite scary at tt time
from then on her health deteriorated alot
though now she is ok from depression
bt her health din improve
seeing her lidat
sometimes i feel sad la
ahma is a v good person.
a doting mother, a doting grandma
hope her health will improve after these 10 days at my house
(she can eat and slp better after 2 days here =p)
ok
shall end here.
whole post will be of 1 colour
cux today's post abit long
lazy put different colours
hahahhas
nice day everyone!
<33.
JC peeps shld be scratching thy heads now
deciding on wad to choose and whr to go.
me too
NTU or NUS
business or accounting?
double degree or not?
ok la.
my grades maybe nt v qualified to study double degree
bt still feel like trying
each school has it's own strengths and attraction
hard to choose ehs..
if nt accounting/bus
wad can i choose?
arghhh.. headache
hmm.
in the previous post
i wrote tt i shld be contented with the results i gt
true, i shld
bt still
still feeling abit sore and rarrrh
when i see pple getting better grades than me
when i know i put in much more effort than them..
老毛病又犯了
hahaahhs.
yea. compare compare
in the end jux feel worse
when jealousy kicks in
cant control.
maybe some pple jux have more luck
example,
student A failed exams throughout until his/her prelims
gt straight As
while student B who maintained his/her good results throughout
scored average
or maybe even failed
i dun understand y
i can only use luck to explain tt
i wun say student A did nt put in effort
bt i dun tink he/she can do so well within such short period
student B definitely put in effort too
bt in the end
B jux scored average. behind student A
hmm. u guys can see me as being shallow or childish
bt i jux cant stand pple like student A
who seems to achieve success like so easily
while for some pple success is like so out of reach
no matter how much effort put in
maybe in my whole life
i can only be good
or very good
bt not be the best..
i'll always be an average person
who jux stands behind others
no matter how much effort i put it
it jux doesnt paid off
or not as much as i tink it shld.
there are pple who can live happily and contented
jux being normal and average
hmm. i cant.
cux i see winning too important to me le bahs....
alrite
enuf of complaining for the time being =X
ytd read newspaper
a korean actress who acted in BFF hanged herself in her apartment
due to depression
now i also feel that BFF is kinda jinxed
F4 and Jandi all had car accidents in during this fliming period
then now another actress died
bt still
BFF is niceee =)
shumin gave me a link tt day to a ss501 show
super nicee and funny ^^
then me found another part 2-keeping the dog one
ding01.hahahs so cute.
dear is finally recovering from his fever/viral infection
after so many days of sufferings
no comp/dota
no entertainment
jux wrapped himself in the blanket shivering
if nt feel like on fire and needa dispense heat by cold shower or cold towel
and slpt whole day
now he is feeling better le
i felt relieved too
and happy for him..hahahhas
get well soon dear! <33.
oh yea
ah ma is now living in my hse
cux her hse is currently undergoing renovation
will be staying with me for 10 days lidat
i slpt in the same room with her
cux i no need wake up early
bro and sis gt school and work
ytd was day 2
after i offline at 2am
i went to slp
at 3am+
i kinda heard a person calling me
then i woke up and found my ah ma calling for help
cux she rolled off her bed i tink
then half body on bed
half body on floor (lower body)
i quickly wanted to help her back onto bed
bt she was too heavy (my ahma quite big size)
i gt no strength to carry
her legs up the bed =.=
yea, legs only
in the end she had to also struggle up bac herself.
then finally ok.
heng she din fall onto the floor
if nt jiu cham le.
then morning i told my mum
then she ask my y din go to her room and call her
i was like
how to call u at tt time =.=
u expect me to ask her continue stranded and struggle there
while i go ur room wake u up ar...hahhhahas
then my mum also laughed
ok. ah ma no hurt jiu hao... ^^
ah ma de health deteriorate quite alot these years
less agile in movement, slower in response, minor bowel problems, and insomnia etc
last time she had depression and always tell us she heard pple toking and laughing at her.
it was quite scary at tt time
from then on her health deteriorated alot
though now she is ok from depression
bt her health din improve
seeing her lidat
sometimes i feel sad la
ahma is a v good person.
a doting mother, a doting grandma
hope her health will improve after these 10 days at my house
(she can eat and slp better after 2 days here =p)
ok
shall end here.
whole post will be of 1 colour
cux today's post abit long
lazy put different colours
hahahhas
nice day everyone!
<33.
Friday, March 6, 2009
results
hmm
what shld i say
i did well?
or maybe ok only bah
tadang!
ABB AC
abit disappointed with chem (B) though
cux i tot i did pretty ok
only tt mcq screwed...
GP (C), i tot i could get a B
results are not as good as i expected
bt yea.
shld be satisfied le..
cux of some reasons... =p
hahahhas.
anws
finally
it's over
no need to feel uncertain, nervous anymore
bt disappointed la
now need to choose course liao
i dun realli know what i want la
cux all the courses im not interested
except for veterinary
which is like nt available in Singapore. LOL
dad and relatives persuading me to do Accounting
and after all the naggings
i kinda brainwashed to take tt
since i gt no other interests.
hmm
bioengineering maybe?
rarr. dunno
still in mids of deciding....
<33.
what shld i say
i did well?
or maybe ok only bah
tadang!
ABB AC
abit disappointed with chem (B) though
cux i tot i did pretty ok
only tt mcq screwed...
GP (C), i tot i could get a B
results are not as good as i expected
bt yea.
shld be satisfied le..
cux of some reasons... =p
hahahhas.
anws
finally
it's over
no need to feel uncertain, nervous anymore
bt disappointed la
now need to choose course liao
i dun realli know what i want la
cux all the courses im not interested
except for veterinary
which is like nt available in Singapore. LOL
dad and relatives persuading me to do Accounting
and after all the naggings
i kinda brainwashed to take tt
since i gt no other interests.
hmm
bioengineering maybe?
rarr. dunno
still in mids of deciding....
<33.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
生前感言.LOL
3月6日
等待以久的一天终于来临了
过去的一个星期
心里那不安和紧张的心情
实在是不好受
对于成绩
我实在没什么信心
因为考试时犯了太多不该犯的错误
让我失去了不少宝贵的分数
走出考场，恨不得想把自己掐死， 不停责备自己
虽然周围的人都说了同样的东西
但还是没办法不担心
回头想想
这两年在安初读书
我可以说是尽力了
牺牲睡眠，娱乐，自由
面对外人体会不了的极大压力
为了就是想要得到好成绩
虽然努力换来的往往不是我想得到的
但我还是认真对待每一次考试
有好几次，我就想这样放弃
但是最后还是把自己从边缘拉了回来
一天过一天
就这样熬完了两年的初院生活
这两年还真不好过啊
对我来说
是煎熬， 是不快乐
虽然有朋友，有欢乐， 有回忆
对于那些和我一样熬完初院学业的朋友们
辛苦你们了 =）
哈哈哈
其实我不知道自己在写些事么
想到什么，就打什么
自己读了觉得有点 no link
请多多包涵
预祝大家明天能考获好成绩
希望我也一样
让我付出两年的代价， 和努力
得到应有的回报 ………
^^
All the best everyone.
<33.
等待以久的一天终于来临了
过去的一个星期
心里那不安和紧张的心情
实在是不好受
对于成绩
我实在没什么信心
因为考试时犯了太多不该犯的错误
让我失去了不少宝贵的分数
走出考场，恨不得想把自己掐死， 不停责备自己
虽然周围的人都说了同样的东西
但还是没办法不担心
回头想想
这两年在安初读书
我可以说是尽力了
牺牲睡眠，娱乐，自由
面对外人体会不了的极大压力
为了就是想要得到好成绩
虽然努力换来的往往不是我想得到的
但我还是认真对待每一次考试
有好几次，我就想这样放弃
但是最后还是把自己从边缘拉了回来
一天过一天
就这样熬完了两年的初院生活
这两年还真不好过啊
对我来说
是煎熬， 是不快乐
虽然有朋友，有欢乐， 有回忆
对于那些和我一样熬完初院学业的朋友们
辛苦你们了 =）
哈哈哈
其实我不知道自己在写些事么
想到什么，就打什么
自己读了觉得有点 no link
请多多包涵
预祝大家明天能考获好成绩
希望我也一样
让我付出两年的代价， 和努力
得到应有的回报 ………
^^
All the best everyone.
<33.
1 more day
passed TTT
like finally
46/50.
hahahas din read at all today b4 gg for the test
luckily still passed
alrite
next is BTT =p
hmm
1 more day to relax and enjoy b4 d-day
im realli scared
cant slp ytd cux i kept tinking abt the results
uncertainty, nervous, scared
cux i tink i screwed the exam
maybe gg to temple tml.
pray for my results =X
dear still having fever
hope he can recover asap
im still considering wad course to take
if i manage to get into uni
lol
<33.
like finally
46/50.
hahahas din read at all today b4 gg for the test
luckily still passed
alrite
next is BTT =p
hmm
1 more day to relax and enjoy b4 d-day
im realli scared
cant slp ytd cux i kept tinking abt the results
uncertainty, nervous, scared
cux i tink i screwed the exam
maybe gg to temple tml.
pray for my results =X
dear still having fever
hope he can recover asap
im still considering wad course to take
if i manage to get into uni
lol
<33.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Alvl
DOOM day is jux 4 days away....
prays~
so coincidence
NTU gt the stabbing incident
my mum tell me nt to go that school. LOL
is student stab teacher
not teacher stab student
im nt afraid abt it anws
the student mux be mad.
y stab pple then go suicide.
i tink is school choose me
nt i choose school
so yea
lets nt say anything first bah
take back results zai shuo
meanwhile go do some research on the Uni courses.
uncertainty
<33.
prays~
so coincidence
NTU gt the stabbing incident
my mum tell me nt to go that school. LOL
is student stab teacher
not teacher stab student
im nt afraid abt it anws
the student mux be mad.
y stab pple then go suicide.
i tink is school choose me
nt i choose school
so yea
lets nt say anything first bah
take back results zai shuo
meanwhile go do some research on the Uni courses.
uncertainty
<33.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
O.o
oppx. took my TTT yesterday
failed. 43/50
i tot i v wellllll prepared liao
dunno y still so many wrong
气死我了
gonna try again tml..
hahahas
surprising this time. i did not feel upset abt my failure
instead i jux kept laughing at myself. lol
stupid.
still finding job
quit my tuition job le.
cux of the duper low fees...
so yea. officially unemployed.
back to full-time rot-er at home.
heard results is on the 6th
prays~~
prays~~
prays~~
hahahahs.
these few days started doing handicrafts again
a dice
and a strawberry hp strap
100% sewn and handmade
^^
enjoyed doing them
will show the pics when camera de battery charge finished
dear is sick today
on and off fever
worried
hope he is ok...dun dengue again
=X
okies.
shall end here
<33.
failed. 43/50
i tot i v wellllll prepared liao
dunno y still so many wrong
气死我了
gonna try again tml..
hahahas
surprising this time. i did not feel upset abt my failure
instead i jux kept laughing at myself. lol
stupid.
still finding job
quit my tuition job le.
cux of the duper low fees...
so yea. officially unemployed.
back to full-time rot-er at home.
heard results is on the 6th
prays~~
prays~~
prays~~
hahahahs.
these few days started doing handicrafts again
a dice
and a strawberry hp strap
100% sewn and handmade
^^
enjoyed doing them
will show the pics when camera de battery charge finished
dear is sick today
on and off fever
worried
hope he is ok...dun dengue again
=X
okies.
shall end here
<33.
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